Hi. I was looking to do another entertainment article, as I enjoyed writing for the last issue.
This article would be presented as a travel guide judging the merit of certain in-game locations. The caveat, though, is that the narrator is a sort of ignorant, snide person who is only interested in submitting scathing reviews of his destinations.
I think this is an idea best exemplified through a writing sample, so here's something I put together for the Burned Tower in Ecruteak City.
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Burned Tower
Rating: 2.75 / 1,000: This one's not worth it!
Redeeming Qualities: Smell reminds one of a Sunday barbecue
I'm not sure which serial arsonist was trying to be funny here, but I'm not amused. If you're going to set something aflame, be tasteful about it. Leveling a pagoda is never appropriate. In case you're curious, I learned of the word "pagoda" after inquiring about the artwork on my Chinese take-out box this one time a few years back. Cultural enlightenment comes from unexpected places (I never knew learning could be so tasty, ha).
This "landmark" is apparently the source of folklore in certain Ecruteak circles. The locals were saying something about some sort of sacred bird, but I wasn't really listening (it's hard to hear people when you're jamming to some hot tracks on your Zune), nor did I care for their peculiar brand of mysticism. It's one of my well-known Criteria for Cool Places®: if you're really boring, cool points you won't be scoring. Let's get with the times, Ecruteak.
My verdict of the Burned Tower (nice creative name there, by the way)? Steer clear of this place. The rats are abundant; one of them bit me and gave me hantavirus, which I hate. Oh, and hey, Ecruteak City Council: someone should really do something about the feral wolves meandering around in the cellar. What is this, the '90s?
I was told there would be beauty here. Instead, I got smoldered wood. This is a ruse if I've ever seen one, and I'm angry about it.
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I've got plenty of more ideas, so coming up with content won't be an issue. Any comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome.
This article would be presented as a travel guide judging the merit of certain in-game locations. The caveat, though, is that the narrator is a sort of ignorant, snide person who is only interested in submitting scathing reviews of his destinations.
I think this is an idea best exemplified through a writing sample, so here's something I put together for the Burned Tower in Ecruteak City.
---
Burned Tower
Rating: 2.75 / 1,000: This one's not worth it!
Redeeming Qualities: Smell reminds one of a Sunday barbecue
I'm not sure which serial arsonist was trying to be funny here, but I'm not amused. If you're going to set something aflame, be tasteful about it. Leveling a pagoda is never appropriate. In case you're curious, I learned of the word "pagoda" after inquiring about the artwork on my Chinese take-out box this one time a few years back. Cultural enlightenment comes from unexpected places (I never knew learning could be so tasty, ha).
This "landmark" is apparently the source of folklore in certain Ecruteak circles. The locals were saying something about some sort of sacred bird, but I wasn't really listening (it's hard to hear people when you're jamming to some hot tracks on your Zune), nor did I care for their peculiar brand of mysticism. It's one of my well-known Criteria for Cool Places®: if you're really boring, cool points you won't be scoring. Let's get with the times, Ecruteak.
My verdict of the Burned Tower (nice creative name there, by the way)? Steer clear of this place. The rats are abundant; one of them bit me and gave me hantavirus, which I hate. Oh, and hey, Ecruteak City Council: someone should really do something about the feral wolves meandering around in the cellar. What is this, the '90s?
I was told there would be beauty here. Instead, I got smoldered wood. This is a ruse if I've ever seen one, and I'm angry about it.
---
I've got plenty of more ideas, so coming up with content won't be an issue. Any comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome.
