Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread

Mizuhime

Did I mistake you for a sign from God?
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If I was a flavor of coffee, it would be "Depresso"!

Heh.

bad pun. Okay so I am depressed and I'm making this thread in large part to ask people how they cope with depression they have or had, but also to provide a place for other depressed people to vent their feelings and /or just have someone to listen to them. So feel free to post in this thread.

As for me? Well looking back I think my depression started two years ago when my dad died:[ I really loved him a lot and apparently he died from sort of heart thing because he didn't check in with his doctor so he didn't know it was going to happen. We were going back from Modell's and everything with football gear when it happened, and found out at home. Utter devastation. I can remember most of the details even now. Not having a parent around to nurture you as a child is really harsh, i mean especially at adolescence when so much shit is happening anyway. My mom is usually at work too, so it's like, fuck. I've only begun to realize the extent of my depression yesterday, BUT its been there in some form since basically august 2014, when he died.

so yeah there's my story, feel free to post
First off, i'm sorry for your losses. I can't say I know what it's like to lose a parent. But i've seen many go through similar stories.

I've had a couple stints with depression, once when my best friends father died and we were in the room to see it, and one recently when I faced the fact i'm really not ready to grow up and search for a house and have a baby and all of this other shit. It all just hit me at once. As for coping, everyone does it differently obviously. Some people will go be social so they get their mind off it, some people hit the bottle, one of the most effective things i've found is that a really good cry helps.

Of course you don't really want to open up and spill your feelings all over the place, but trust me you are not strong enough to keep them bottled up, and if you do you'll just explode. No one is strong enough or should ever keep everything bottled up. I'm going to make the assumption and say you've got at least one best friend, one person you can spill your guts to and they wont judge you, trust me they wont. They don't want to see you suffer just as much as you don't want to suffer. Have a heart to heart with them. Let the waterworks start. A good cry never hurt anyone and never will. Once you start to acknowledge the problem I find it becomes easier to deal with. The people around you will help once they know what's hurting you. Even if you don't feel ready to spill your emotions all over the place in real life, you have friends online too. I'm sure of that. Smogon is a very welcoming place and lots of people will listen to your rant about life (I know I will). For me, I wasn't ready to spill my emotions to everyone so I talked to my good buddy McMeghan one morning and cried my face off before bed, just to know that I can talk about it. Then me and my boyfriend had a good conversation about it and I cried to him too. Once you talk, it all becomes easier. Don't keep your emotions bottled up, it's not good for you and will hurt you more in the long run. Tell people how you feel and they will help you, they want to help you, no one wants to see anyone suffer.
 
So idk if this is the place to put this

This post is gonna be a jumbled mess but I'm freaking out at the moment and I feel dumb because it's something small but I can't help it

I'm supposed to take some online test for one of my classes that's due today but I can't get into the website. I'm having issues registering for it and I was even informed that other students were having the same issues but I don't think my teacher is aware or maybe she doesn't give a shit because she still wants it today and I don't think I can do it today

I don't want to fall behind and get some late score because we have to take this test, turn in a hard copy of our results and write about it and I can't do any of these things until I take the test which I can't do right now

I know it's dumb af but I'm panicking because I really just don't want to fuck up, especially not this early in the year

Basically I'm a nervous wreck and I'm trying to distract myself somehow
 
So idk if this is the place to put this

This post is gonna be a jumbled mess but I'm freaking out at the moment and I feel dumb because it's something small but I can't help it

I'm supposed to take some online test for one of my classes that's due today but I can't get into the website. I'm having issues registering for it and I was even informed that other students were having the same issues but I don't think my teacher is aware or maybe she doesn't give a shit because she still wants it today and I don't think I can do it today

I don't want to fall behind and get some late score because we have to take this test, turn in a hard copy of our results and write about it and I can't do any of these things until I take the test which I can't do right now

I know it's dumb af but I'm panicking because I really just don't want to fuck up, especially not this early in the year

Basically I'm a nervous wreck and I'm trying to distract myself somehow
Hey. Stay calm.

Whatever happens it's gonna be alright. Firstly, there might be some miscommunication where your teacher doesn't know of or understand the full extent of the problems you're having. So if you get in contact and explain the issues you're having, they'll probably be understanding and extend the deadline for you. None of it's your fault and your teacher will probably sympathetic to that. Technical issues like this happen all the time. If your teacher's still being an asshole about it, you can probably talk to your school's administration (maybe find other students having the same issues?).
 
Hey. Stay calm.

Whatever happens it's gonna be alright. Firstly, there might be some miscommunication where your teacher doesn't know of or understand the full extent of the problems you're having. So if you get in contact and explain the issues you're having, they'll probably be understanding and extend the deadline for you. None of it's your fault and your teacher will probably sympathetic to that. Technical issues like this happen all the time. If your teacher's still being an asshole about it, you can probably talk to your school's administration (maybe find other students having the same issues?).
Yeah, I sent her a message. I've been trying for hours to get in and it hasn't been working, so I kinda just freaked out. I just hope she realizes what's going on and extends the deadline without taking points off. I'm pretty sure other students in my class were having this problem, and only about two kids actually had the test done today.
 
First off, i'm sorry for your losses. I can't say I know what it's like to lose a parent. But i've seen many go through similar stories.

I've had a couple stints with depression, once when my best friends father died and we were in the room to see it, and one recently when I faced the fact i'm really not ready to grow up and search for a house and have a baby and all of this other shit. It all just hit me at once. As for coping, everyone does it differently obviously. Some people will go be social so they get their mind off it, some people hit the bottle, one of the most effective things i've found is that a really good cry helps.

Of course you don't really want to open up and spill your feelings all over the place, but trust me you are not strong enough to keep them bottled up, and if you do you'll just explode. No one is strong enough or should ever keep everything bottled up. I'm going to make the assumption and say you've got at least one best friend, one person you can spill your guts to and they wont judge you, trust me they wont. They don't want to see you suffer just as much as you don't want to suffer. Have a heart to heart with them. Let the waterworks start. A good cry never hurt anyone and never will. Once you start to acknowledge the problem I find it becomes easier to deal with. The people around you will help once they know what's hurting you. Even if you don't feel ready to spill your emotions all over the place in real life, you have friends online too. I'm sure of that. Smogon is a very welcoming place and lots of people will listen to your rant about life (I know I will). For me, I wasn't ready to spill my emotions to everyone so I talked to my good buddy McMeghan one morning and cried my face off before bed, just to know that I can talk about it. Then me and my boyfriend had a good conversation about it and I cried to him too. Once you talk, it all becomes easier. Don't keep your emotions bottled up, it's not good for you and will hurt you more in the long run. Tell people how you feel and they will help you, they want to help you, no one wants to see anyone suffer.
First of all, thank you for typing that. I very much appreciate your help even though I have basically quit Smogin, I still appreciate that.

I synthesize with your claim that a good cry helps. When I have thought of my dad at home in a sad way I usually go to the bathroom and let the waterworks start. Also I think that maybe I should talk to one of my friends about my father, but the problem is, in the past I never had many meaningful friends, like I hung out with them, went through the motions, but never really talked. My ass was too focused on video games to give a shit but then when I started giving a shit when my dad died there was...truthfully and sincerely, no best friend or real friend to turn to. I cried and hugged people at the wake, one of which was a sort-of friend but we lacked a connection. FortunatelyI had both good luck and the courage to reach out in eighth grade, netting a whole new network of nerdy friends, some of which I've kept even after I've given up most video games. Oh and Nikolay too, he's awesome.

Actually I forgot about my original best friend and one who I'm still okay friends with today: Jack. He helped me get through those tough fall and winter months after my dad died. I enjoyed the times we would walk late in the evening and talk about why my family hated him for some reason (which they did, not anymore.

Something you should know about me is I'm pretty introverted and also only consider people I am comfortable talking and hanging out with as friends, most of the time. Following those parameters I have three friends, only one (Jack) of which I opened up to about my summer depression and I haven't talked about my dad, like ever. Jack used to ask about it though and I wish I said more to him. So back to my original point I think it would be hard to open up to one of my three friends cause one of them is literally half retarded and the other two I don't know what I'd say - I don't actively think about my dad much anymore, even though his loss has had huge effects on me, regardless if I'm conscious of them or not (which I mostly am not).

Since a lot of you guys are responding to the OP and I wrote that a while ago I feel I owe it to you guys to check in and give you an accurate picture of how I'm feeling / my life is.

So, I'm a freshman! First days of high school for me were pretty rough. I walked into home room nervous and a bit unsure. I was excited for my first day a little bit but by the end I felt DRAINED. At least I met a new kid named Dzon (from Bosnia, southeast Europe, how kickass is that) that I feel I could cultivate a friendship with if I ever see him at lunch, which I haven't, only in hallways. Anyway second day sucked almost as much, felt drained, but talked with a girl named Jenelle in Humanities, she's really cool. Third day was as bad as the first and I confided to my babysitter, she always handles me when I'm down / depresso. I also replied to my grandma's text about how the first day went with my news of the first three days, and she called me and talked to me about it, gave me advice. I told her about all the social expectations I was feeling and how there was homework on top of it and I had too much to worry about and she gave me the best advice: One Thing At A Time. Block out everything else and focus on one thing at a time. Then she told me how she believed in me and stuff and I got a little teary. Friday (today) was good the next day, I felt measurably more happy and had my two favorite classes first, and it was overall a great day and a great cross country practice.

Oh yes! I am doing cross country. My first meet was Wednesday which was fucking awesome, came in 75th but who cares. Cross country is legit my favorite thing in the world right now, I love the team we have and the comfortable environment emitted from the coach and the players. And I love getting a chance to run barefoot too on some of the runs or parts of the runs: my hope is that the coach will let me run barefoot in my next meet or the meet after that. That would be amazing.

So yeah I am officially no longer depressed, I have recovered from my stint. A lot of that, I think, was because of me pulling away from the video games and Internet and out into the real world. Video games and Internet seem to fuck you up, man, because Barbara told me about this study where they found that electronics affect your mind the same way - they have the same affect - as drugs like cocaine. The same addicting effect. "This", the scientists who performed the study said, "might account for why it's so hard to pull kids off of their game consoles. My interest for video games and checking the internet waned over a couple weeks, till I became disinterested. Not only was it bad for me, but I had other things to do now, namely cross country, which started in late August. Cross country, again, is so great, it's become a place where I can chill out, be who I was born to be - a runner (if you haven't read Christopher McDougall's "Born To Run", I highly recommend it).

Though I'm not depressed I do have day-to-day school problems, mostly making new friends and whatnot. I'm getting more comfortable with some of my classes, though. And I think I might have a tiny crush on this new girl who runs in the girls cross country. Maybe, too early to tell. Anyway thanks dudes and dudettes for letting me share and peace out.
 
So, I'm a freshman! First days of high school for me were pretty rough. I walked into home room nervous and a bit unsure. I was excited for my first day a little bit but by the end I felt DRAINED. At least I met a new kid named Dzon (from Bosnia, southeast Europe, how kickass is that) that I feel I could cultivate a friendship with if I ever see him at lunch, which I haven't, only in hallways. Anyway second day sucked almost as much, felt drained, but talked with a girl named Jenelle in Humanities, she's really cool. Third day was as bad as the first and I confided to my babysitter, she always handles me when I'm down / depresso. I also replied to my grandma's text about how the first day went with my news of the first three days, and she called me and talked to me about it, gave me advice. I told her about all the social expectations I was feeling and how there was homework on top of it and I had too much to worry about and she gave me the best advice: One Thing At A Time. Block out everything else and focus on one thing at a time. Then she told me how she believed in me and stuff and I got a little teary. Friday (today) was good the next day, I felt measurably more happy and had my two favorite classes first, and it was overall a great day and a great cross country practice.

Oh yes! I am doing cross country. My first meet was Wednesday which was fucking awesome, came in 75th but who cares. Cross country is legit my favorite thing in the world right now, I love the team we have and the comfortable environment emitted from the coach and the players. And I love getting a chance to run barefoot too on some of the runs or parts of the runs: my hope is that the coach will let me run barefoot in my next meet or the meet after that. That would be amazing.

So yeah I am officially no longer depressed, I have recovered from my stint. A lot of that, I think, was because of me pulling away from the video games and Internet and out into the real world. Video games and Internet seem to fuck you up, man, because Barbara told me about this study where they found that electronics affect your mind the same way - they have the same affect - as drugs like cocaine. The same addicting effect. "This", the scientists who performed the study said, "might account for why it's so hard to pull kids off of their game consoles. My interest for video games and checking the internet waned over a couple weeks, till I became disinterested. Not only was it bad for me, but I had other things to do now, namely cross country, which started in late August. Cross country, again, is so great, it's become a place where I can chill out, be who I was born to be - a runner (if you haven't read Christopher McDougall's "Born To Run", I highly recommend it).

Though I'm not depressed I do have day-to-day school problems, mostly making new friends and whatnot. I'm getting more comfortable with some of my classes, though. And I think I might have a tiny crush on this new girl who runs in the girls cross country. Maybe, too early to tell. Anyway thanks dudes and dudettes for letting me share and peace out.
The first day of school can be nerve-wracking, especially when it's a middle->high school shift or high school->college. High school is definitely gonna drain you, but your grandmother gave good advice. If you ever feel overwhelmed, just focus on one thing at a time, or break your tasks down into smaller tasks. It's good to work hard, but don't overwork yourself. Know your limits. I'm trying to do this for college. Make sure to get all your work done on time, it'll save you a lot of grief in the long run. I'm sorry you had a bad first week, but try to keep a positive attitude. I hope you have a good year.

Also, I'm glad to see you found something to love! It's always good to get involved in clubs/activities in school. High school is great time to experiment with various things, so if any kind of clubs or whatever interest you, I would recommend giving it a shot. This is one of the things I wish I had done in high school, but once again, I'm trying to do it in college. Overall, I'm glad to see you're doing better. Good luck with high school! If you ever want to talk about it or need advice, feel free to PM me.
 

Pilo

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I used to struggle with depression on an almost daily basis and I still get depressed sometimes. This may not sound realistic but keep your chin up and things will eventually get better. If you ever feel overwhelmed by depressing thoughts there are always people you can talk to who care about your wellbeing (friends, family, professionals, etc.)
 
This is a lot to read and I don't have much time, so I'll just put down my stance on depression.

I should note, I don't think I'm depressed, but I have felt tinges of it. So I can kind of relate to those who are depressed, although saying I can relate to them completely would be a blatant lie. Kinda like SJW triggers vs. PTSD triggers. Calling it depression would be a joke, but the concept was there enough to be able to imagine how the people who do have it feel.

With that out of the way: let's make a metaphor. Let's say you're on an incline, with infinite happiness at the top, infinite sadness and et cetera at the bottom, with the rest of the incline as a spectrum of sorts. You obviously want to climb up as high as you can get, and not degrade to the bottom. Things can drag you down or give you a hand if you let them, the stuff that you let affect your emotions.

Depression is a ball and chain.

It's a constant downward pull. It may not be that heavy, but it's consistently hindering your ability to climb and exacerbates your descentions. You can try to break the chain, but it's near indestructible. (it's obviously not the only thing weighing you down, but those you can break or let go, potentially at least.) It pulls you away from the things that help you get up, breaks the grip or just nullifies the helping force.

The result, in real life, is not finding joy in the things you like. You try to find things that cheer you up, and you realize that they don't work anymore. Everything seems to have a damper, a blanket mist that never ends.

I should not about now that you can still be happy while depressed. You can still laugh and have a good time. Happiness isn't affected by depression, it's how you interact with it, and how you achieve it. Jokes will still make you laugh, fucking around with your closest friend will still give you happy memories.

Eventually, you become so used to the ball and chain that it basically integrates itself, becomes a part of you and who you are. It becomes part of how you define yourself, and it starts to affect how you perceive things. Negativity stands out, positivity seems to only be ignorant of the negativity around it, existing only due to ignorance. And people like to prefer depression over ignorance, whether they like it or not.

You end up having only a few things that can still help you up the slope, that can counteract the ball and chain. So you strengthen them as much as you can, so you have a solid and consistent lifeline.

Problem is, if something happens to one, the effect is exponentially more profound.

And if you are brought near the bottom, if you're self-harming or considering suicide, that obviously doesn't mean you want to be there. I'm not qualified to talk about self-harm, but I am confident that it is in some form looking for attention, in the form of crying for help. People who want to commit suicide tend to be vocal about it, as a way of grasping for straws. They're looking for a reason to not do it. That's why there's so many stories of people getting talked off the edge instead of having them rush and jump before there's a chance to talk, why they wait.

And unfortunately, the only real way to get rid of depression is from the inside, the very thing it affects.

Professional help is amazing, but it's not a cure. It stops the symptoms, you stop perceiving it, but it's still there, and it'll come back.

You need to look at everything that is negative, and come up with positive reasons to counterbalance it. Not making stuff up, but actually finding positive things. Find out whether the negative threat is even a threat. Is it taken care of? Is it nullified? If not, how big of a threat is it, really? If it affects me personally, what can I do to counteract it?

In doing so, you start to find the little things, balloons that you can attach to the ball and chain. The more you attach, the more you find. Depression may be a snowball effect, but solving it is also a snowball - the hardest part is the beginning. Once you start looking for the positivity, you start seeing it everywhere. You don't stop seeing the negativity, but it doesn't seem to matter as much. The lifelines you had in the beginning, your close friends and everything else, now are able to bring to light more helpers that aren't affected by the mist. And then those things become strong, and show other things. The original lifelines don't need to be as strong anymore, so they wane a little, so you can start using other helpers. When things drag you down, there are a lot more things pulling back, and if some fail, you still have others ready and willing to help. Instead of two or three helpers, you have 10. 20. 50. Positivity seems to come back, your perception of things become gradually less faded, the mist seems to go away.

At the end, you realize the mist was always there, but like how the mist came from below, there is light coming from above, coating everything in the same way the mist does. The negativity doesn't go away - heck it might not even wane - but it no longer is all you can see. Ratios change for the better.

And the chain finally corrodes, and the ball falls down back to the bottom.

The rebound back up is incredibly hard, and tend to need select, small helpers to start off the chain reaction, but when it does it's really a sight to behold.

So if you know someone affected by depression, don't just tell them do go do something that makes them happy, since they literally aren't capable of that. Don't make them try and find the light; introduce it to them. (To an extent, of course. You don't want to be annoying or naggy with it, that might have the opposite effect.)

Another thing? The person KNOWS that the helpers are there, and have been there all along. They just can't find them, or the ones they have found have been corrupted by the mist.

I hope this helps anyone who reads this.
 
I've been thinking about making a post in here for a long time and finally decided to do it because talking about stuff helps a lot.

Anyway, hi. I've been depressed for quite some time. I think it started sometime after 9th grade of HS. Idk why but 9th grade was a weird year for me since I wasnt happy w the school i was in, didnt have many friends, and i was having some family issues as well. This continued throughout hs but i never really did anything about it bc my family is kinda weird and doesnt really believe in mental illnesses and it wasnt really affecting other aspects of my life (school, social life, other responsibilities) that much. Well, of course it was affecting it but not to a high degree. It came in cycles and ranged from just feeling sad / exhausted / unmotivated to suicidal thoughts and things like that. I made some really good friends in hs and they helped me a lot. Overall had a great experience so it wasnt that bad in hindsight. Anyway, i started college and the first couple weeks were great but then i fell into a really bad cycle. I have a habit of procrastination and it wasnt really an issue before since id always get stuff done + get a good grade on it but it became an issue now. I joined some program at my school and began to see an academic counselor (she basically helped w the procrastination issue by helping me make a schedule and having me follow it) and it did help. I think around this time i developed a really bad anxiety issue which also turned into some social anxiety where i literally couldnt get up to go to class most days. Idk how to explain the feeling but im sure others who experience it can relate. It just really sucks. School is one of the most important things to me so doing bad in it really messed me up. Around november, i fortunately had a failed suicide attempt and went home and cried to my sister (i think it was the first time since like middle school). Following this, i experienced this euphoria, i cant really explain it but the next couple days i felt really relaxed and not really worried about anything. Everything went on normally and i ended up finishing the semester on a good note.

Second semester was a bit different because i had absolutely 0 motivation and didnt care about anything at all. i hated it because i know fucking up now means id have to play catch up for a while. the cycle was pretty much: i dont care about anything, responsibilities come forward, im now filled with anxiety and feel overwhelmed, and so on. it was really really bad and i hated it. luckily i some how got thru the semester and started dating an amazing girl whos been a huge help. over the summer i scheduled therapy sessions thru my school's health center and got an official diagnosis but i skipped the rest of the sessions. i rescheduled and skipped that one too. idk why i somehow got it in my head that i have to 'go thru this alone'. maybe ive been watching too much netflix lol. anyway, im 2 months into my 2nd year now and things are really really really bad. i skipped my core classes the entirety of september and failed my 1st math exam. ive been doing ok in my other classes but honestly its just embarrassing bc math is and has always been my best subject. i have another exam on tuesday which i havent begun to study for and it will be hard to cram since i went to 2 sessions this month. my relationship is kinda hanging in there bc ive been avoiding my gf. shes been understanding but im just being really dumb by not being open with her and she has enough to worry about anyway w school and stuff. ive also been avoiding my close friends i really dont know why but i feel bad about it even tho they've also been very understanding.

to get thru this stuff ive decided the following:

once my exam/project stuff is over, im going to reschedule the therapy session and not skip it lol (i hope)
im going to stop skipping class as everytime i do i feel guilty and it just adds to the negative feelings
im going to talk to my professors and explain to them whats going on
im going to talk to my gf and tell her exactly whats going on
im going to work with a non-profit started by my friend in order to surround myself w good, positive, motivated people
im going to stop avoiding my friends since they really just want to help

hopefully i can maintain the energy and outlook necessary to accomplish all these. to anyone else going thru the same / similar stuff, i encourage you to approach it logically and try to form a plan that'll give you a more positive outlook on life and try to talk to people. talking honestly helps a lot. i also want to thank my friends on this site since every little thing DOES indeed help. those friendly hellos or whatever goes a long way. back to talking, if anyone ever wants to talk about anything or is going thru some hard times, feel free to pm me or find me on discord. im always willing to help someone. writing this was kinda hard but also a relief getting it off my chest. thanks if you read all of this and good luck if you're going thru similar stuff as well

Edit: after posting this I got some really nice and sweet messages. Thanks so much you guys, it means a lot and goes a long way <3
 
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Martin

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This is less of a story about current depression, but more of a past history of emotional apathy which was a case of minor depression. In the past on Discord I've talked about how I'm a rare specimen in the sense this site has actively improved my life rather than the other way around, and having just remembered this thread exists I feel like it'd be a good place to talk about it a bit as it is very much related to the issue of depression. In this post I'm going to talk about the cause of my past depression and how a happy coincidence started a chain of events that was able to turn me around. I've actually talked about this a bit on the forums in the past too, but honestly I'm not very happy with the post I made about it (very much goes around the point without ever properly getting to it and the post is poorly streamlined, and as such it only tells a simplified part-truth about my past situation) so I'm writing a revised version of my story.

I'm extremely lucky in a lot of ways regarding my circumstances; I have a loving family who aren't split up, I've not ever been bullied (although I feel like people always punched me harder than other people when doing the "a pinch and a punch for the first of the month" thing) and anything else that is a common root for depression. However, because of my personality I have always found it really difficult to integrate into social groups in school; not only was I so shy that I couldn't actually use my voice in the presence of other kids my age (my doctor called it Selective Mutism, but I honestly think it was more just that I was an immensely shy kid), but I was also that one kid who had to be different from everyone else in my school with regards to what I enjoyed (people were interested in sports but I preferred to just walk around aimlessly; people listened to the pop music in the charts whereas I listened to classical music; they all played Playstation and X-Box whereas I was a Nintendo kid--these kinds of menial things). While this wasn't so much of an issue in primary school where people were interested in trading cards, Tamagotchis and Crazybones which people can easily relate to each-other about non-verbally and there was a much higher proportion of kids who were still interested in Nintendo games who I could play with, it became a big issue for me as soon as I moved up to secondary school and I found that I was unable to integrate into social groups due to not being able to grow close enough to anyone through shared interests to be able to feel comfortable around them and develop the ability to talk to them. As a result I would stay in the learning resource centre until 4:30 every day when the kicked me out just doing homework and then I'd go home and be a shut-in, and this in-turn led to me becoming emotionally apathetic and that was the biggest indicator that I had descended into depression. It wasn't major depression like some of the people in this thread are/have been going through, but regardless it was clinical depression. While I didn't feel particularly worthless, I just stopped feeling any kind of emotion about anything--be it happy or sad--and I was just not a happy teen as a result. Looking back on it now that I'm over it for the most part just makes me realise how horrid going through something like that is, because I can feel stuff that I really wish I had been able to feel back then, and as such I don't like to talk about my life in secondary school much and am kinda forcing myself to keep going with this post.

The only two kids I could talk to in secondary school were two friends from back in nursery school (if you don't know what nursery school is, think of it kinda like preschool without everyone arriving/leaving at the same time every day), and one of these kids found out I was in the same secondary school as him around midway into year 8 (he was in the year above me due to starting school at the normal age while I stayed an extra year in nursery due to my parents being advised to do so for twins born late in the academic year, so we didn't get the chance to talk much, and one day we just bumped into each-other in the hallway <-- this is the happy coincidence). He introduced me to Pokémon for the first time, lending me his copy of Pokémon Heart Gold to play and getting me hooked on the games. This interest eventually led to me discovering Pokémon Showdown! and, through that, I discovered Smogon. As a side note, the reason I chose the name "gamer boy" a few years ago despite not having played many games was because I spent most of my time practicing Mariokart (my playtime on Mariokart DS and Wii easily exceeds 1200 hours just going off of personal estimates, and the last time I checked my Mariokart 7 playtime was around 1450 hours), playing Super Mario Galaxy, hacking Super Mario 64 and doing OoT 3D boss rushes alongside, obviously, playing Pokémon. Anyway, I made a Smogon account in January 2013 but didn't really get heavily involved in the site until XY analyses started rolling out in 2014, and eventually I got invited into a social group by RotomPoison--with me still being friends with a handful of the people from those convos to this day. I got a small confidence boost from that, and it was enough for me to get over my shyness and shock people by verbally answering questions in class for the first time. However, it didn't fix the issue of me sharing no interests with anyone, and as such beyond that it didn't do much for me. Fast-forward to when I was in year 11 and I was pretty heavily involved in OU--having the gimmick of being completely obsessed with Wobbuffet--and that meant that people gravitated towards me a bit more kinda as a bit of a joke, but regardless I was able to make more friends and get a bit more of a confidence boost from it and I made an attempt to use this newfound confidence to try and integrate myself into a social group at school. While it just resulted in me sitting on the outside of an existing group of friends, I felt comfortable around people irl for the first time in five years, and fortunately by that point people don't really look down on other people's interests, so that helps too, but I don't think I would have ever figured that out without the further boost to my confidence. I dipped my toe properly into the waters of firebot and the social forums in around May/June 2015, and while my presence in Firebot was equally bad--if not worse--than my presence in OU, I got to around January what did happen is that I felt that welling feeling of pleasure for the first time in years. From there my life has just gotten better, with the most recent thing being the existence of the social forums discord (my favorite thing about this community), and I put a lot of my thanks for my quality of life improving being my ability to use this site as a means to improve my confidence massively. I am now very comfortable to be open about my interests with people around me, and it has made life easier to push through and, while I still am very much a shut-in, I am now able to be in groups without feeling like an outsider. I'd have never been able to do the Belgium tour I did with my concert band in the state I was in this time three or four years ago, and just in general I am able to enjoy things like I should for the first time in years.

That's my story. It's still a bit rough around the edges and I'm not 100% happy with the way that I've told it as I still feel like its kinda simplistically told, but it's a bit better than the last time I told it and I've been going for about an hour and a half so I'm not going to try and trim it down now. I hope that at least some people here can relate to it even a little bit, and the reason I decided to tell it again is because it is a good example of being able to get through the battle with it, even if it wasn't a bad case to push through like it is for some of the people itt, and really my heart goes out to all of you and I wish you all the best of luck with your battles/wars (depending on the severity of your respective cases), as it really sucks to not get that feeling of happiness that shapes you as a person. I guess the last thing that I'm gonna do is echo some posts by saying that people are most certainly the closest thing to a cure, whether it is just as as someone who you can talk to about your depression who can be there for you or even just as someone who you can be in a space comfortably with.
 

tcr

sage of six tabs
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I saw this thread a while ago but never actually posted in it until now

I feel like any sort of depression I suffer from results from the need to internalize everything until stuff just breaks inside. I don't ever really like talking about myself, even in real life as I feel my thoughts and feelings are deeply personal and my connection to my friends is limited. Contrary to my online persona I'm also a fairly quiet easygoing dude, that prefers to just go along with whatever happens rather than complain and shift the flow of actions. These two traits seem to fuck me over a lot and also fuck over friends (mostly online ones). Whenever things would bother me I would do my best to ignore it and just push it away and move on. Eventually though it all piles up until I just get so stressed and pissed off that I end up blowing up on whoever I'm talking to at the time (this was particularly notable in interactions with members on this site sadly : / ). Its like a cycle, where I'll get irritated, pissed off, etc until I take it out on whoever I happen to be talking to at the time. (this isn't like, super common, it more or less happens in around 2 month cycles ish?). After that I end up burning bridges that I don't want burned, and that cycle only repeats until every day fucking sucks. It's worse throughout the winter, especially now that I've gone to university and no longer wrestle. Before I could somewhat cope by having to interact with people and get on in my day, and when practice time came I would actually have an excuse to take out any frustrations I had acquired over the day without ACTUALLY being a dick. Now in university its so easy to just shut myself away in my dorm, not attend my classes, not interact with friends, etc.

The other most common part for me that contributes to overall depression is the feeling of being unwanted. Idrk if others ever feel the same way, but extremely often I always feel like a bother to the people I talk to, or that they're only talking / hanging out / doing whatever with me out of some sort of sympathy. Maybe its just paranoia but it doesn't ever really stop me from feeling like complete shit, like I'm just not good enough for whoever. This recently came about with a girl I had been talking to. I got introduced to her over the summer and we hit it off, I had known her somewhat in high school, and we shared many mutual friends. Eventually we started "dating" (as in, dinner dates, ice skating, stuff like that). My life became fairly busy trying to juggle time with her, schoolwork, and other arrangements I had made, but the first time in a long while I was actually happy. I never remembered feeling like I was a bother, as she was just as nervous around me as I was around her. However she never wanted anything long term, possibly anything at all. She wants to teach overseas, and doing so would require being out of country. I can completely understand that as I personally wouldn't want a long distance relationship either, but yet I was still somewhat upset as I felt really led on, and then the feeling of not being wanted came back. For around a week and a half I didn't really interact with anyone. I didn't really do anything except my school work and sleep, sometimes not even my work. I felt like complete shit, yet it was completely my fault and I don't really know how to cope with that. That feeling continued when I would continue trying to chill / hangout with said girl just as friends (since we were friends before anything else) and I've now had plans either turned down or changed / blown off 4 times now. I don't ever really talk to my high school friends anymore, which sucks. That "burning bridges" thing I talked about ended up fucking up 2 other friendships with childhood friends, and would've fucked up a third if the person in question wasn't a real life version of Dory from finding nemo. I don't ever talk to smogon friends anymore outside of one or two people, and it sucks because there are tons of cool people on here that I would love to remain friends with but I don't necessarily want to play / talk about pokemon, and if we do anything else it always feels super weird or forced, if that makes sense. idk, I don't really know why i'm writing this, I just feel the need to type something out and actually have it out there instead of just thinking about it

For things that seemt o have helped me, making sure to have good friends that actively do stuff. If you have friends that you play a regular game with then treasure them, as while you're playing that game and are skyping and whatever you don't really think about things that would normally depress you, instead you're focusing on whatever. Having friends that force you to exercise (such as ones that regularly want to go take walks and stuff) helps too. I noticed that if I played a sport I would end up feeling less shitty every day. Making sure to actually do responsible things also seems like it helps me a little, even little things like going to my classes or doing the dishes. Lastly eating healthy also seems to help. idrk how to finish this post, i probably shouldn't even write this at all but w/e. peace
 

jrp

Banned deucer.
I've started to hit what I feel is a downward slump these days on my mood.

It's kind of weird right now, I have a lot of friends that I can go to for pretty much anything, friends that I can talk to, but I've never felt as lonely as I've been these past couple weeks.

I'm doing ok in my classes, not amazingly, but I have decent grades in most of them, and I'm on track to graduate in the spring.

The other most common part for me that contributes to overall depression is the feeling of being unwanted. Idrk if others ever feel the same way, but extremely often I always feel like a bother to the people I talk to, or that they're only talking / hanging out / doing whatever with me out of some sort of sympathy.
I understand this feeling all too well. It's one of those things that's clearly in my head, and yet it's something I've always been afraid of. I had something of a experience during my childhood that pretty much destroyed my ability to trust other people. I had just moved to Pittsburgh and was the new kid in a school filled with people that all knew each other already. I was always a really reserved kid growing up, I really kept to my self most of the time, which kept a perpetual veil of loneliness around me. I hid it by acting outgoing all the time, fitting into the "class clown" role, but I really hated myself as a kid. I finally found someone that I thought was my friend, only to find out that she was being paid to hang out with me by one of the other kids in my school.

It was the act of an 8 year old kid, but the repercussions of that action gave me a built in lack of trust towards other people.

I've always suspected other people of only tolerating my presence for ulterior motives, but realistically it's not true. I just could never get over what that kid did, and my teenage and adult life has been weighed down with that distrust towards other people that I've held.

Now that I'm in my last year of college, I've found people that I trust and can rely on, and my greatest fear is to move on from college and leave all the people I've grown to care for behind. I had a similar thing happen to me in high school, but it's hitting me really hard right now.

I've started on the path to some self-destructive habits too. I've picked up smoking as a way to burn off some of the stress I've felt, and I've been getting next to no sleep these past couple months. I know that eventually, everything is going to crash around me, but I'm honestly not sure if I can turn things around in time for that .

The thing that's bothering me is that there's no reason I should feel this way. I've lost a lot of weight these past couple months, which was one of my goals for the summer, and I honestly thought that doing that would make me feel better.

Now I've kind of reached a point where I'm asking myself "what was the point of doing that?" and the weight is starting to come back on.



Just thought I'd let all of this out, i've been feeling pretty shitty these past couple months.
 

Cresselia~~

Junichi Masuda likes this!!
Is it possible to not hate everything in the world after having depression?
I've been having depression for more than 10 years. No signs of recovery whatsoever.

Before I had depression, I had really good grades and legitimately thought I'd be getting into one of the Top 5 UK universities. (At least everyone around me are saying that I'll get in.)
Then depression clicked in and I stopped obtaining any good grades.
I ended up in a much worse university... and that's not where it ends-- I never coped with university life or studies, and keep failing my courses.
I transfered into different universities 3 times over the past 8 years.
That said, after all these years... I still do NOT have a bachelor's degree!!!!!!!

I don't even really know more than 2 people in real life who doesn't have a bachelor's by now, and my mum basically hates everyone without a degree.
My parents only makes friends with people with PHD's, and their children (my age) all at least have master's degree by now.
I'm sure that my parents compare me with them behind my back.
They say that it doesn't matter, but I know they are lying because when they get angry, this comparison shit comes straight out from their mouths.

I also do not have the physical condition to work part time, not to mention full time!
So there isn't "Oh, maybe you are the type of person who does better in an office than a school" kind of excuse.

What / how should I learn to think in order for me to not hate everything?
This disability basically took everything away from me.
 
Is it possible to not hate everything in the world after having depression?
I've been having depression for more than 10 years. No signs of recovery whatsoever.

Before I had depression, I had really good grades and legitimately thought I'd be getting into one of the Top 5 UK universities. (At least everyone around me are saying that I'll get in.)
Then depression clicked in and I stopped obtaining any good grades.
I ended up in a much worse university... and that's not where it ends-- I never coped with university life or studies, and keep failing my courses.
I transfered into different universities 3 times over the past 8 years.
That said, after all these years... I still do NOT have a bachelor's degree!!!!!!!

I don't even really know more than 2 people in real life who doesn't have a bachelor's by now, and my mum basically hates everyone without a degree.
My parents only makes friends with people with PHD's, and their children (my age) all at least have master's degree by now.
I'm sure that my parents compare me with them behind my back.
They say that it doesn't matter, but I know they are lying because when they get angry, this comparison shit comes straight out from their mouths.

I also do not have the physical condition to work part time, not to mention full time!
So there isn't "Oh, maybe you are the type of person who does better in an office than a school" kind of excuse.

What / how should I learn to think in order for me to not hate everything?
This disability basically took everything away from me.
Cresselia knows what Cresselia wants, what Cresselia thinks it's better for him/her. And I think Cresselia is right. You have the time for your degree if you want that. If not, you can do what you are going to do. And I'm sure your parents can understand you and your wishes. Take care of yourself.
 
Is it possible to not hate everything in the world after having depression?
I've been having depression for more than 10 years. No signs of recovery whatsoever.

Before I had depression, I had really good grades and legitimately thought I'd be getting into one of the Top 5 UK universities. (At least everyone around me are saying that I'll get in.)
Then depression clicked in and I stopped obtaining any good grades.
I ended up in a much worse university... and that's not where it ends-- I never coped with university life or studies, and keep failing my courses.
I transfered into different universities 3 times over the past 8 years.
That said, after all these years... I still do NOT have a bachelor's degree!!!!!!!

I don't even really know more than 2 people in real life who doesn't have a bachelor's by now, and my mum basically hates everyone without a degree.
My parents only makes friends with people with PHD's, and their children (my age) all at least have master's degree by now.
I'm sure that my parents compare me with them behind my back.
They say that it doesn't matter, but I know they are lying because when they get angry, this comparison shit comes straight out from their mouths.

I also do not have the physical condition to work part time, not to mention full time!
So there isn't "Oh, maybe you are the type of person who does better in an office than a school" kind of excuse.

What / how should I learn to think in order for me to not hate everything?
This disability basically took everything away from me.
This seems like a bit of a chicken/egg question, but what you're describing sounds like depression caused shitty circumstances rather than the other way around. So if you're looking for something to "blame" it's easy enough to attribute it to depression rather than the world. Also it seems like you're comparing yourself to this grand ideal of yourself. First of all it sounds like a terribly outdated ideal, like it's something that comes from your pre-depression days, which you say was a long time ago. Second, it may help to just reframe your goals. Aiming for this old ideal isn't helpful, instead ask yourself what your long term goal is now, and then identify what intermediate goals for that are and so on. To me it sounds like your overall goal should be to get a degree. Fuck what could've been, fuck what everyone else is doing and fuck doing it with style, just get that degree. I think once you shed all that extraneous stuff and identify the minimum that you want to achieve it'll be much more manageable since you're setting the bar at a much more reasonable level. Also when it comes to other people, I would say that almost no-one cares that you haven't gotten a degree yet, almost certainly no-one your age. Unfortunately your parents might be some of the few ppl that do care, but really as long as your parents know what's going on I'd guess they'd be understanding. Especially since you know, you are still working towards the degree they seem to be fixated with
 

Cresselia~~

Junichi Masuda likes this!!
This seems like a bit of a chicken/egg question, but what you're describing sounds like depression caused shitty circumstances rather than the other way around. So if you're looking for something to "blame" it's easy enough to attribute it to depression rather than the world. Also it seems like you're comparing yourself to this grand ideal of yourself. First of all it sounds like a terribly outdated ideal, like it's something that comes from your pre-depression days, which you say was a long time ago. Second, it may help to just reframe your goals. Aiming for this old ideal isn't helpful, instead ask yourself what your long term goal is now, and then identify what intermediate goals for that are and so on. To me it sounds like your overall goal should be to get a degree. Fuck what could've been, fuck what everyone else is doing and fuck doing it with style, just get that degree. I think once you shed all that extraneous stuff and identify the minimum that you want to achieve it'll be much more manageable since you're setting the bar at a much more reasonable level. Also when it comes to other people, I would say that almost no-one cares that you haven't gotten a degree yet, almost certainly no-one your age. Unfortunately your parents might be some of the few ppl that do care, but really as long as your parents know what's going on I'd guess they'd be understanding. Especially since you know, you are still working towards the degree they seem to be fixated with
I mean... the issues that got me into depression are still not resolved yet.
That means, getting depression makes the situation even worse.

But that said, maybe I shouldn't be greedy. Maybe like what you've said, I should focus on what's manageable now.
 
I can't completely relate to your dad dying, but I can entirely relate to feeling depressed.

I've been depressed for about 2, maybe 3 years, I was in Year 8 (when it started) and I have social problems, and I was at a school where I knew no-one because I got a scholarship, so since Year 8 is kinda like that year where you've adapted to the school environment before the storm of hard work comes, I decided I wanted to make some friends. They say that you should just "be yourself" to make friends, and I did that for a few months, however I kept being bullied, people would spread rumours about my dad being something he's not, people in the year above would physically hit me, and I honestly felt like crap but I never said or admitted it, seeing as being myself didn't work, I decided to be "hyperactive" and basically not be myself, I thought this worked as I seemed to get quite a lot of attention, but in reality they were just taking the piss out of me and I was enjoying the idea of having some friends for once too much. Then one day, someone about 3 years above me stole my phone and edited my bio on one of my accounts (to make me look like a twat) and took a screenshot of it, before posting it online and, guess what... it went viral... When I soon found out, my social problems kicked in and I had a mental/nervous breakdown, I couldn't tell my parents as I didn't want to stress them out, I didn't want to make a big deal of it at school because I was embarrassed, and the only person who knew in my family was my sister, who was the one who alerted me of this.

Soon after the sudden shockwave of news about what'd happened, it struck me, I hadn't really made friends, people had just been bullying me without me realising because I was too happy that I actually had friends, I felt really depressed and stressed. Skip a year and I was in Year 9, when a new kid joined, let's call him... Finaly, once again I decided to make friends with him and we became decent friends, walking home to the metro together, but then he became a bit rough, and started hitting me, despite the fact I told people who I thought would give me advice or help out, no one did anything, and soon after I became depressed and even though the bullying ended by the end of the school year (after having to complain to the head teacher multiple times), inside I've still been really depressed ever since.

Skip to current day (Year 11), I'm still really depressed, considered suicide a lot more often, I've got some friends but they're not the kind that you admit your feelings to, my teachers think highly of me but I ignore it as I don't want to be like I was 3 years ago. The only people that make me happy are the people who I used to go to school with pre-high school, I used to see them every other weekend and hang out with them, but recently they've been ignoring all my requests to hang out, not replying to my messages despite them reading them, and I've been stuck in my room for months now, the only thing that I ever actually go out of the house for is school, and I've just honestly stopped seeing the point of living if no one really wants to be around me.

When I saw this thread, I thought it'd be good to finally just say how I feel, because I have no one irl who I can talk to because I'm too ashamed and embarrassed to say it
 
Hey tcr , it's really shitty to find out that a group of friends are talking behind your back. I can't say I understand completely since I've never really experienced it. Idk how suicidal thoughts work for other people but I usually get them when its feasible for me to do something (in the subway, crossing the street, etc) so what I usually do is just take a second to ground myself and say that the feeling is gonna pass. Last time I felt it was a couple months ago. Idk how it is for you but I hope you're ok

Right now you're experiencing feelings of loneliness which is really shitty. I know you said that you dont want to bother your close friend because he is really depressed but if you guys are really that close i dont think he'd see it as bothering. My best friend is probably worse off than me and he's always willing to hear me out and remind me that he's there and cares for me. It's a great feeling dude, i think you should give it a shot.

I can't really pretend to understand the other things you're going through since no one close to me has passed away but i do tend to feel extra sad during the holidays (luckily not this year!). Anyway, if you need help, need to talk to someone, or anything at all, please dont hesitate to pm me here on smogon. Feel free to add me on skype (obii.7) or discord (obii) if that's more convenient for you. I know how it feels to be all alone and not wanting to bother anyone, it's suffocating man and you just want an out so suicidal thoughts begin. It's shit. Hope you're able to feel better soon, dont give up!
 
Hi, bumping this because I honestly do not know where to turn right now. I guess this is also a sort of update on my last post that I made. Normally I would talk to one of my friends about this, but recently I seem to have just been abandoned by everyone I loved and trusted. One of my closest friends has given up on everything he is passionate about and truly seems depressed and in need of help, so I don't wish to bother him. My group of college friends are all having their own Christmas / holiday stuff going on that I don't want to bring them down, and any of the people that I would normally rant to / talk to I simply don't trust anymore due to various reasons. So my only "safe space" that I seem comfortable in right now is posting in this thread. I dont want to go to my parents because they either wouldn't understand or would care too much and make me get a therapist or something.

I guess a little backstory is necessary. I'm an almost 20 year old college student, majoring in cybersecurity. When I first started on this site, I was motivated to improve and help out as much as I could. That was about 5 years ago I guess. I was fairly easy going, doing my best to contribute and whatnot. That was all good until around 2014 happened. My grandfather passed away on Christmas day. It was heartbreaking to wake up on such a wonderful day and to see it all turn to shit. The experience severely killed joy in me in real life, as I just don't see everything as beautiful anymore. He was such an inspiration to me, motivating me to be a thinker, an intellectual from a young age. Then, when I really needed him to help me know what to do with my new and coming life of transitioning to college and then my career, he passed away. Online I turned more jaded and blunt with how I talked with people, little patience awarded to them in discussions. I became more and more depressed as the winter progressed, killing any motivation for the holidays and my winter birthday. Everything just seemed like one big joke. On my 19th birthday (last year) I had to spend it and New Year's alone, drinking whatever alcohol I could find so i invariably didn't end up offing myself. My parents decided that they would rather take a new year's eve winter trip to Vegas than to spend the time with their son on both new years and his birthday. Today I truly think that the only reason I didn't just kill myself then and there was because I was too black out drunk to actually think up ways to. This year I was informed that my grandmother had leukemia. The same grandmother who was married to the grandfather that had passed. For the past 4-5 months she has been undergoing chemotherapy, in order to combat the cancer. Around October / November my girlfriend broke up with me, so I don't even have the luxury of a real person that I can discuss things with. With all of this together, the winter time is generally a super depressing time for me. I try my best to stay active in some way and I hope that I can just not think about things and hope that the winter passes quickly.

This winter however seemed even more shitty. Normally I try my best to stay online as much as possible, interacting with some people I once considered good friends, doing my best to seem as normal as possible by discussing pokemon stuff, debating and arguing stuff, in order to get rid of the feeling of apathy and the "what does it matter" mentality. Just recently I was informed that there was some secret channel filled with many people that I considered close that specifically excluded me and one other under the reasoning of "i'm a toxic piece of shit." No, I don't agree with everyone nor am I on friendly terms with everyone, but it feels ultra shitty to know that a group of my friends are circlejerking behind my back. It feels even worse however to know that people I once considered friends and people I would vent to about tons of personal problems and vice versa decided to just go with the flow and accept that mentality. Friends don't fuck over other friends right? Not only this, I was informed that I was one of the worst members of the community, and that said community was better off without me. For one of the few joys in my life it fucking hurts to be told this and to be bombarded with hatred from a community where I helped lay the groundwork for the modern generations. I truly do not know what to do with myself, since 2 years ago this is the first time I have had actual suicidal thoughts and it fucking kills me to know that I've sunk into this hole this far.
Is there a specific reason you don't want a therapist? I had some mild depression/anxiety problems this year, and talking to my school counselor really helped.
 

emma

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I apologize in advance for bumping this thread.

Hello everyone, I wouldn't really say I'm depressed but I definitely have moments where I question why I deserve to live so I believe I have justification to post here. Most people are sad because they don't have two parents together anymore, have a drug problem in the family, or have a loved one pass away. In fact, I consider myself quite lucky. My parents love each other, the only death in my family occurred before I was born, and we are considered high middle class. I complain about things such as I have to clean up my room while others are sad about how their father passed away. However, being blessed with these opportunities is the cause of all this, the fact that although I am one of the luckies people I know and yet still am lazy, irresponsible, have a not so great personally, and overall not being a very good person. I wait until the last minute to do things, forgot where I place things / when I schedule matches, be mean to people, and overall just do not benefit anyone's life. It's just not fair that I have the opportunity to go to school, meet new people, live life, while others just don't based on circumstances they can't control.

Moving on, when I do try to be productive, I usually don't do very well. I'll use Pokemon as an example since it's something we can all relate too. I have 643 posts on this website and have accomplished literally nothing. My names are just memes, I can't play, and don't really have that one person I can talk to. Quite sad, but it's 100% my fault since I'm just not very good. Despite having time, teams, and nice people who will always play, I don't get better. My confidence isn't helped by the ridiculously high amount of people telling others to kill themselves (which you should all stop), but that's a different story.

So while most people are depressed by the circumstances of their life that they simply can't control, I'm sad because even though I am blessed to be gifted opportunities to succeed, I can't talk advantage of them.

Thanks for reading and sorry for bumping the thread, but I hope its justified.
 
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GreenGogoatttt

Hey.

I can't say that I fully understand your experience, but I often feel sad that I am nothing near all the people that surround me in terms of anything useful (henceforth causing similar bouts of severe depression). It got me down for the first two terms of this year in high school really bad especially.

It is all too easy to think of everything that makes you imperfect. All of your flaws, and your imperfections, and everything that makes you unlikable. It's easy to get pulled into a hole where you think you're full of shit and you're trash and that you're a spoiled pathetic little brat. But that's not true.

I know this might sound corny, but you are unique. It's true. Go to anyone you trust or even just someone you talk to on a regular basis. They do not see you as you see yourself, but as a regular, everyday, decent human being. Just because you see yourself in a particular way does not mean you are that way.

You are not the arrogant, snobby entitled person you think you are. You're just a regular person who happened to be born higher up on the socioeconomic ladder. ANd beating yourself up over something you can't control will only extend your anguish. Find some way to comfort yourself and tell yourself that you are not the bad, entitled person you think you are. Talk to yourself. Play an instrument. Do anything. Just know that nobody isa burden to society, and you shouldn't thinl of yourself like that. You are much, much better than you think you are, and everybody knows it.

I hope this helped.
 
I love this thread and salute for you guys being honest and open enough to express your feelings. I think that's a big step in the right direction for feeling better. I think it's important to realize a lot of people are depressed, the world and it's expectations are a lot sometimes. You are not alone! I wanna say people do help depression but I had to learn that its not healthy to depend on someone else to always make yourself feel better, you will really start to feel better when you embrace those times you are alone. Also i think its really inportant to appreciate the small things in life, like going outside and taking a deep breath >>>. If school stresses you out a lot, its okay! One grade will never decide your life! Pursue your dreams with honesty and vigor and you won't fail. If you are feeling purposeless, look in your heart to find what you truly love, and pursue that! Rome was not built in a day, and like wise life is a learning process. To everyone that lost a loved one, I'm so sorry and i hope your memories of that person will give you the power to keep pushing. if anyone ever needs to vent or anything, please don't hesistate to pm me, i will always try my best to listen. i love u, you are not alone!
 
I've had issues with depression for a few years, and it seems to be a (mostly) genetic issue, since I have Dysthymia and my grandma has Major Depressive Disorder. It can be traced back further to her dad's family. I've had a lot of things happen to me (and a lot of things that are my fault) that made things worse, but thankfully I haven't had to deal with abuse/neglect/death of someone close/etc.

While I still have issues, I've been taking medication and seeing a counselor for several months and I have improved a lot. I recommend people look into this if they are struggling.

I'll explain some of my findings below. Give it a read; I think you'll appreciate the perspective and help.

First off, everyone is going through something different. Whenever someone gives you advice (even with the following stuff), consider how your unique situation can be affected.

Medication will rarely solve the problem on its own. Rather, it helps to prevent you from sinking into a spiral of negativity/self hate.

Think of it this way: You are in a hotel where each floor represents a level of happiness. Many people are in the lobby, or perfectly neutral. Some are fortunate enough to be on some higher floor, maybe floor 2, or 5, or 17. Then there's people with depression. Those with persistent mild depression (your truly) are always some number of floors under the lobby. It's like an eternal basement of feels bad man. MDD is much further down. Bipolar people will spend a while in the depths of the basement and then run up the stairs uncontrollably to some very high floor (mania). Unfortunately it is hard for them to stay consistent. No one ever stays on the same floor forever of course; even normal people fluctuate due to many factors, and people with depression are no exceptions. However, a normal person can have greater control of what floor (level of happiness) they move to. So how can people with depression get to a better floor?

I find that depression serves as a sort of "heavy suitcase", where it pulls you down easily into the basement of unhappiness and it is hard to lug up the flight of stairs to happy levels since it always pulls at you. Meds can take a few pounds out of that suitcase, enabling people to climb up more easily. However, the meds don't magically pull a person up, in the same way that a 50-pound suitcase becoming a 10-pound suitcase won't let you float effortlessly as if it were full of helium. Rather, one must consciously try to change their mindset and look for the happiness in their life, and with the weight of depression lessened, pulling oneself out of the basement of depression isn't as tough as it once was. Maybe you're like me and have the good fortune to be very high-functioning, but the fact remains: you're still limiting yourself since you're stuck in the basement. So try not to let yourself fall down the stairs; force yourself to be in good spirits, and with a little help, you can rise up the stairs as if you were in an elevator.

Hopefully that helps and doesn't sound cliche since I just came up with that. Tl;dr meds help but it's up to you to be fixed. Maybe the weight of depression, that heavy suitcase, will never truly go away, but you can become strong enough to overcome its burden and live normally, and even feel happy again.

Replace every mention of medication with therapy and it's the same idea. Both are helpful, and everyone needs someone to talk with imo if they want to feel better. Support from friends and family has kept me strong. I also enjoy r/2meirlformeirl and other depression memes, but I make sure that they don't pull me down. Laugh because they used to be relatable, not because they still are.

I still have times where I "sink a few floors", but I can lessen the fall by reminding myself that I have worth and that it's just my depression talking. Everyone fluctuates, so don't freak out and think a strategy is failing because you experience a brief setback. It takes time to heal.

I still don't really care about life and honestly would rather just sleep forever (not die, but sleep since I'm still semi-conscious and have good thoughts and not bad ones, but that's a personal opinion since my dreams are almost always pleasant), but life is valuable and I want to make the best of it. We all need to realize that things can always get better. I for one have much less self-hate than six months ago and am still getting better.

Try not to worry to much about being lonely or single. Believe me it's a bad time of the year to consider that. People can, will, and surely already do appreciate you, and for the time being, keep that in perspective. Do your best to stay confident and know that life will improve. I've had some terrible experiences in this area and it's very hard to recover from (doing my best but haven't made a ton of progress unfort.), but it is possible.

Don't lose hope, and if you have, go get it back. Depression will make you think you can't do anything and/or don't want to. Don't let your fucked-up unconscious brain activity control your true conscious self. Work hard to climb up the hotel's stairs, make it to a higher floor, kick some ass. We all know you can.
 

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