No, you fixed none of it.
"D/P" should be "DPP", as per the Grammar Standards thread.
"it's" has an apostrophe, meaning "it is", rather than the intended possessive "its"; this is a basic rule of English.
"speed" and "attack" should be capitalised, as is standard in everything on Smogon.
Lastly, Aipom was never a surprise lead; on the contrary, it was a common and standard lead, and many opposing leads used Protect so as to avoid Fake Out breaking Focus Sashes.
Please take these into account; I really shouldn't have to tell you about these things. For the last one, that is something you should really know about if you're writing LC analyses.